Complicated {with plenty reason}

Repuestas

Jennifer — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 18:43:42 +0000

You never really know do you?
Where you will end up
Where life will take you
Who you will end up with?
As i find the answers
I am surprised
very very very very
surprised.
I am lving in Guatemala
I am getting married
and Only speaking Spanish?
!
I am visting the market
and riding in Chicken Buses.
I have no car
No house
I am lucky if I have toliet paper
I have very
few
things
But I am
Happy.
Simply
Happy.

Jennifer — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 00:45:16 +0000

I feel as though I haven’t been happy in a long time. Having Anorexia Nervosa when I was only 15 forced me to grow up too fast. I never really had an adolescence. The last five years have been a day to day battle for me. Not once have I looked in the mirror in five years and liked what I saw. I would give up everything to be happy. I know God has a reason for everything that takes place in my life, and I have always tried to use my struggles as a way to minister and help other people. Sometimes I get so tired of fighting my self. Sadly, I look back on the last five years of life and realize that I have wasted my life on trying to be perfect.

When I was 90 pounds, my body reflected exactly how I felt (and still feel) inside. Small, fragile, scared, alone, sick. So now not only do I weigh 30 pounds more, but my body doesn’t reflect the pain I hold inside.

It kills me that day to day, I have to pretend to be something I am not: happy. My life is like a play, and I am pretending to be the perfect girl satisfied with life and skipping around in joy. After so many years of pretending, I have pretty much mastered the art of acting.

In Guatemala I catch a glimpse of what I believe to be true happiness; I don’t how or why, but I would like to find out. In Guatemala I love the person I am. These last 4 months have been rough. The though that I almost touched happiness and then to lost it in a second kills me.

26 Days

Jennifer — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 01:27:49 +0000

Only 26 more days until I can look into his beautiful brown eyes!

In 26 days, I can be home and be happy again with my future family, the love of life, and the amazing children of Guatemala!

In 26 days, I can be surrounded by the breath taking mountains and terrain of Huehue. =)

In only 26 days I can work for God in my future home!

In 26 days I can be somewhere I actually belong.

Hogar.

Jennifer — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 03:11:09 +0000

En realidad, yo creo que mi futuro esta en Guatemala. Yo soy quien yo quiero ser en Guatemala. Fuerte, Feliz, y Libre. En Guatemala, estoy muy cerca de Dios. No quiero mas cosas, solo Dios y alegria.

Gracias Dios por todas las cosas me das. Aprecio las mucho. Es cierto que tal vez mi futuro no esta aqui con mi familia pero estaba en Guatemala con una nueva familia? Puedo tener las dos familias? O solo una? Yo tengo muchas preguntas sobre mi futuro. Espero que, en tu manera, me miras cual opcion es mejor para mi. Te amo y estoy en este mundo a hago tu trabajo.

Ayudame.

Doy gracias a ti por mi passion de Espanol. Solo quiero estar contenta.

A veces me siento sola como nadie me comprende. No estoy deciendo que todas las personas son malas. Ahora ellos no tiene ojos abiertos. Espero que puedo mirar a cosas con ojos abiertos.

No se a donde vas a ir, no ser vas a hacer, solo quiero Felicidad.

Tal vez yo debo escribir en ingels, pero puedo explicar mis sentamientos mejor en espanol. Por mi, todas las cosas en mi vida ahora son muy muy muy extranos. PORQUE? Probalmente soy loca. Pero tal vez eso es mi desidad! Ahora, no se y espero que yo se muy muy pronto.

Podria el sea mi amor? El amor que yo necesito y quiero? Espero. La distancia es que vale la pena y siempre el pone una sonrisa en mi cara. Me encanta la inocencias de nuestra relacion.

Pienso necesito un mes lejos de aqui. Donde yo puedo encontrar quien soy. A veces yo pienso no soy nadie.

Yo quiero cambiar el mundo, a hacer el mundo mejor. Yo quiero mirarles que hay cosas buenas em toda la gente.

Otra vez, pregunto... ayudame Dios.

Jennifer — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 17:22:37 +0000

A Heart for Children

by Margaret Fishback Powers

One hundred years from now

It will not matter

What kind of car I drove,

What kind of house I lived in,

How much I had in my bank

Nor what my clothes looked like.

One hundred years from now

It will not matter

What kind of school I attended,

What kind of typewriter I used,

How large or small my church,

But the world may be

…a little better because…

I was important in the

life of a child.

International Issues

Jennifer — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 01:15:07 +0000

FEMICIDE IN GUATEMALA

by Risa Grais-Targow

As the United States and the rest of the world focus their attention on the Middle East, atrocities are taking place in other regions of the world unnoticed by the international community. The violence that ravaged Latin Americaduring the 1980s is not over. A wave of violence is taking place at this moment in Guatemala that is unknown to most of the world. The targets are young women between the ages of 15 and 26, and the murders are taking place primarily in or around the nation’s capital, Guatemala City. The pattern of violence includes sexual assault and physical torture before the women are killed and left in public places. In a country fraught with residual violence from its thirty-year civil war, murders are not front-page stories. This is particularly true when the victims are women, who are not valued by paternalistic Guatemalan society.

In the past three years nearly 1,500 young women in Guatemala have been murdered. Already this year, 257 women have been murdered, with the perpetrators going unpunished.1 In the Mexican border towns of Ciudad Juarez and Chihuahua, a similar pattern of violence against women has caught the attention of international human rights groups and non-governmental organizations. According to a new report by Amnesty International, 370 women have been murdered in Mexico during the last ten years.2 Among the responses to the international press on the Mexican killings is a new resolution in Congress (H.Res 466), which calls for the United States government to work with the Mexican authorities in an effort to solve the cases.

Remarkably, though the murder toll in Guatemala is far greater than that of Ciudad Juarez, the violence there has been ignored by the international press and nongovernmental organizations alike, and the killings continue. It wasn’t until February of 2004 that the United Nations began to pay attention, sending Special Reporter Yakin Erturk to Guatemala to investigate the so-called “femicide” taking place there.

The violence against women is reflective of a broader Cold War legacy that haunts the region. After a CIA-backed coup removed democratically elected Guatemalan President Jacobo Arbenz from office in 1954, the nation experienced a succession of highly repressive dictatorships, all of which were financially backed by the United States. During the late 1970s and 1980s, the U.S. gave millions of dollars to the Guatemalan right in an effort to suppress the leftist guerrillas, whom the U.S. considered to be Communist. President Ronald Reagan feared that if one Latin American nation fell to Communism then the surrounding nations would become Communist. Therefore, a great deal of foreign aid was given to the Latin American right in an effort to stop such a “domino effect” from occurring.

In Guatemala, the Mayan indigenous people were among those considered a Communist threat, after many joined with the Left to demand greater social equality and equal land distribution. The state responded to these demands with widespread violence. According to the Commission for Historical Clarification, 200,000 Guatemalan people were killed or disappeared during the armed conflict. Of this number, 83% of the victims were Mayan. 3

After Guatemalan guerrillas and the military signed a peace accord in 1996, the United States and the international community assumed that Guatemala was at peace. This assumption, however, is far from accurate. The violence that was previously targeted at the internal Communist enemy has not disappeared but instead has been displaced. The new targets are the weakest sectors of society: women, especially indigenous women.

The murder of Guatemalan women is tied to the racism, paternalism, and corruption that has taken root in Guatemalan culture. Professor Marcia Esparza of John Jay College was part of the 1998 UN Truth Commission on Guatemala, and since then has devoted much of her time to working with indigenous female communities in Guatemala and Mexico. Esparza suggests that levels of impunity are connected to the corrupt hidden powers in Guatemala. In her opinion, these cases are not being resolved because there is no political will. It is simply not in the interests of the Guatemalan oligarchy to investigate these crimes and punish the perpetrators.

Over half of Guatemala’s population is indigenous, yet the indigenous people have a long history of marginalization within the country. The historical legacy of oligarchic land ownership in Guatemala remains intact, with a very small percentage of the population owning the land. The unequal land distribution has increasingly forced indigenous people to migrate to urban areas in order to survive. One of the most popular destinations for urban workers is Guatemala City, where factory jobs are available, particularly in maquilladora factories that are notorious for hiring only young women. Not coincidentally, Ciudad Juarez in Mexico is also the home of maquilladora factories. Professor Esparza suggests that the “femicide” is tied to the movement of indigenous labor into the city.“Many women are uprooted from the rural areas, their communities, and families and migrate to urban areas for work. Once they migrate, they have no support network, and they become even more open and vulnerable to violence.”4

Another factor contributing to this continuation of violence is the inability of the justice system to investigate the crimes and convict the perpetrators. In Guatemala, resources are scarce, with only a small percentage of state funding allocated to the Justice Department. This may be one explanation for the lack of investigation into the murders. Of the 383 murders committed in 2003, 306 are still awaiting investigation results.5

When the crimes first began, the police simply blamed the usual suspects: the youth gangs, known as the Maras.While it is highly probable that some of the murders are gang-related, new investigations are pointing to state actors as well. It is only recently that the widespread corruption of the National Civilian Police (PNC) has begun to be considered part of the problem. The Human Rights Ombudsman, Sergio Morales, affirmed in March 2004 that many of the crimes are connected to organized crime circles that include the PNC and the army.6

In a recent report issued by the Guatemalan Mutual Support Group (GAM), a Guatemalan human rights organization, Director Mario Polanco suggests that not only are the police and army responsible for these crimes, but that the social cleansing is an attempt to “create chaos in the country and generate more ingovernability and fear.”7 The murders have created an environment of fear, with many women scared to leave their homes. Maintaining an environment of fear gives those in power an excuse to exert more control. UN Special Envoy Yakin Erturk came to similar conclusions after her February 2004 visit to the country. In a press conference, she suggested, “When these levels of impunity exist, it seems that there is violence being committed by authorities.”8

Sadly, as long as the international community ignores Central America and the problems there, the crimes against women in Guatemala will most certainly persist. Even with international attention, they may not stop. Without it, however, there is little hope for the victims-to-be.

This article was written in July of 2004. At the time, the average number of women killed a month was 41.

Risa Grais-Targow is a student at Bard College. While at the Bard Globalization and International Affairs Program, she interned at Central American Legal Assistance. She is an editor of BardPolitik.

1 Prensa Libre “Dan Muerte a Cuatro Mujeres” by Julio Lara. July 2, 2004
2 www.amnestyusa.org/women/juarez
3 Commission for Historical Clarification (CEH) report, 1999.
4 From interview with Professor Marcia Esparza of John Jay College, February 2004.
5 Prensa Libre February 15, 2004.
6 Guatemala Human Rights Commission/ USA Human Rights Update June 1, 2004.
7 Guatemala Human Rights Commission/USA Human Rights Update June 1, 2004.
8 Prensa Libre February 15, 2004

Note: This issue of femicide is unfortunately not very well known. I believe it’s important that we all educate ourselves on international issues and realize how fortunate we are to live in a country so free.

Donde esta tu corazon: Where is your heart?

Jennifer — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 22:24:55 +0000

“5000 miles away and you are still right here, in my heart and mind.”

Life has always been an adventure and a search for meaning. It has taken me to the loud and diverse city of New York, and to the tranquil and breathtaking mountains of Huehuetanago. The only thing that I have ever desired is happiness, felicdad. Throughout life a disconnection between heart and body has always existed. Now, at the ripe age of 19, I start a new journey and this time I am following my heart.

Always being mature for my age, I spent high school frustrated with locating true happiness and joy. Where could this happiness my heart so desperately needed be located? Could it be found in love, the sky, music or perfection? This desperate struggle for joy hurled me down a harsh, uneven road, which included a life changing eating disorder and a rape…

To be continued…

El Pais de Mi Corazon

Jennifer — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 04:21:02 +0000

Este pais, Guatemala, es la mejor lugar en el mundo. No hay otra lugar yo quiero estar.

Las personas, las montanas, el fe, y la alegria de este pias son muy hermosos. Aqui mi mente y mi corazon son libres. Aqui yo puedo buscar verdadero felicidad.
Siempre yo pregunta a Dios, “Cuando voy a ser contenta?”

Ahora yo se la respuesta:

Cuando esoty en Guatemala, el pais de mi corazon, estoy muy contenta.

Yo se un dia voy a regresar a mi hogar.

This country, Guatemala, is the best place in the world. There is no other place I want to be.

The people, the mountains, the faith, and the joy of this coutry are breathtaking. Here mi mind and hear are free.

Here I can find true happiness.

I always ask God, “When am I going to be happy?”

Now I know the answer,

When I am in Guatemala, the country of my heart, I am happy.

I know one day I will return to my home.

Oldie Station

Jennifer — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 00:59:35 +0000

Monday, 8 March 2004

~Ugly
Topic: Why I am ugly
So… now I have come to the conclusion that I am really ugly. I have got a couple comments to day about my wonderful looks…

“Ew… what’s up with your teeth” -Bethany Durham

“You look like my dog” -Kim Henry

“You look like your dad” -some random lady…
(note that looking like my dad is not a good thing)

So… this proves my point… I am ugly … lol… but hey ugly people have more fun, right? Wait… I think that it’s “blonds have more fun” … haha… and I am not a blond….

Thursday, 20 May 2004

more reasons to why I am ugly….

Topic: Why I am ugly
so see it goes like this…

we were sitting in Geometry yesterday and Nehali goes “Jennifer you look like an old lady”!!

How much proof do I need…. lol.

Tuesday, 1 June 2004

Even more proof…

Topic: Why I am ugly
haha… I am having fun with this ….

so we are on the Disney trip in the hotel room and Kim looks in the mirror and goes “ewe… I look like Jennifer”! Thanks a lot guys… hehe

but hey I am happy because I can’t get Frenchy out of my mind…

Tuesday, 3 August 2004

Enough proof already…

Topic: Why I am ugly
sometimes I wish the proof would stop! Lol…

Setting: Me, Yuko, and Kim at Mill Mountain Coffee

Kim: Jennifer, you are an ugly loser
Me: (Surprised look on my face) WHaatt?
Kim: Wow… I am glad I got that off my chest. I feel better now!

Oh so now I am not only UGLY… I am an ugly loser!

Jennifer — Sat, 19 May 2007 05:44:59 +0000

The world is
Beautiful
Even,
pain is Beautiful
Beauty shines
past pain.

Planes Crash,
Soldiers Die,
Mothers Lose Babies,
Hearts Break,
Families Crumble,
Faith Disloves,
The World Ends.

But,
the Beauty of
Appreciation remains.

Apreciate:
The Sky,
Broken Hearts,
Water,
Birds,
Mothers,
Lovers,
Enemies,
Death,
And Life.

Live to the fullest,
Appreciate everything,
pain included,
To the fullest
And a full life you will recive in return.